The naming rights to San Francisco’s Candlestick park have been sold. Again. Now it’s up to local voters to decide what to call it. As reported in today’s San Francisco Chronicle:
The agreement, worth at least $6 million over four years, splits the proceeds evenly between the team and San Francisco’s Recreation and Park Department — an amount that one of the deal’s detractors described as “chump change” but that backers said was badly needed for city services.
The deal to rename the stadium Monster Park comes five weeks before San Francisco voters will decide whether to cement in city statute the stadium’s historic name, Candlestick Park, and bar it from being called anything else. The prohibition would extend to a new stadium, too, if one were built at that site on Candlestick Point.
A great name recognition coup for Monster.com, no? Well, no, but ultimately yes. The company that paid $6 million to rename the stadium Monster Park is actually Monster Cable Products Inc, and is completely unrelated to the job search site. But the folks at Monster.com aren’t complaining one bit. With football season in full swing, they just received free tickets to the Monster’s Ball.
We received a horrifying piece of spam from some jackass named Rich Errera, CEO of Gourmet Impression LLC. Who knew that the Pale Horse of the Apocalypse would be braying upon arrival? He’s touting a product that embosses advertising on food, executing a literal interpretation of “consumer”. Take a look at these tasty morsels:
Here is an excerpt from the spam Mr. Errata was kind enough to send out:
Commercial and consumer demand has been phenomenal. Investors and manufacturers are needed and urged to contact Gourmet Impression ASAP for ground breaking, lucrative opportunities on a global scale. Whether sold on television infomercials, retail outlets, catalogs, or directly to the trade, the “Roller” and the “Stamper” are sure to be fun, moneymakers on several levels.
Happy meals that “talk” bring more customers, enjoyment, and increased profits. The Super Bowl, with a side Super Platter of “Pizza Pizzals” promise to be delicious, memorable entertainment. Advertising on foods is a trend, soon to be eaten up by the world and in all languages, leaving tasty smiles.
Rich’s dream of you and him shitting money in unison may well come true, as his food embosser has become one hot item. To start your own get Rich quick scheme, contact him here: rich@gourmetimpression.com.
It was only a matter of time, and money, before Donald Trump hooked up with Estee Lauder to create a new fragrance for Aramis. The story will be all over the news by the time you read this.
“We are excited to work with Mr. Trump, whose commitment to excellence and desire for perfection is unparalleled,” said CEO William Lauder in a written statement. “We feel that Mr. Trump and Aramis are a winning combination of two global brands.”
Names like Aragent, Your Fire, and Fragrante Delicto were tossed around the boardroom before the Donald finally settled on Donald Trump, The Fragrance. Negotiations for a hair spray deal are on permanent hold.
Originally posted by Abnu on our sister site, Wordlab.
The constitutional right of Americans to a “well-lubricated militia” is being buttressed by the simultaneous expiration of the assault weapons ban and the introduction of Kalashnikov Vodka. Company board member Lt. Gen. Mikhail Kalashnikov is best known for his invention of the Kalashnikov Rifle, aka Ak-47. Firearms and firewater have always been a popular combo here in the States, and the spirited naming and branding of Kalashnikov Vodka should tap into the American zeitgeist so powerfully as to leave Absolut and Stoly dry heaving in the dust.
Coming soon to exploit other U.S. popular pop culture pairings: BMW Bourbon and Trojan Tequila.
The entire naming community is feverish with excitement over this spate of recent announcements: Glucatell will change to Fungitell; PLP Holdings has become Tonogold Resources; and The Pakistan Daily Times reports that the Little Dicker chapel is now known as the Golden Cross chapel. Gathering around the mine shaft, Golden Spirit Minerals announces name change to Golden Spirit Mining Ltd, while Endeavour Gold Corp has devalued its name to Endeavour Silver Corp. Signaling a shift in focus, Vantage Commercial will now be known as Vantage Software Technologies, while over in the Hurricane-soaked Florida retail sector, the department store Burdines will replace its name with Macy’s, a name you may be familiar with (hint: they’re in the parade business).
And…in an apparent act of repentant self-flagellation, rumor has it that naming and branding emperor Landor will saddle itself with a mind-numbing moniker in the style of those that they have smote their own clients with, something horrifying a la Acterna, Apsira or Astrium, because what’s good for the goose is good for the Landor. To make sure that Landor gets the full benefit of the Landor process, the company is charging itself millions. Landor will announce its new name as soon as the computer programs and focus groups stop whirling. Check back in a year or so.
Joseph Menn has a snappy piece of reportage on product name changes in today’s L.A. Times. See if you can spot how he sneaks in a subliminally subversive swipe at Microsoft, associating the company with the fall of Rome:
Some 15 centuries after the fall of Rome, Microsoft Corp. engineers are toiling to resurrect Janus — the ancient gatekeeper to heaven.
Microsoft adopted the deity as an internal code name for a system that controls digital music and video stashed on computers and portable players.
When Janus makes its debut today, though, the program will bear a less evocative name: Windows Media Digital Rights Management 10.
The transformation is typical for technology products that enjoy colorful, if often geeky, monikers while in development, only to appear on store shelves under the most mundane names imaginable.
IBM Corp.’s Shark evolved into TotalStorage Enterprise Storage Servers. Apple Computer Inc.’s Killer Rabbit was renamed AppleShare 3.0. And Microsoft’s Snowball became merely Windows for Workgroups 3.11.
It’s the reverse in most other industries, where pedestrian code names get replaced by catchy brands. Inside General Motors Corp., for instance, the forthcoming Pontiac Solstice roadster was just project GMX020.
But the technology industry’s culture is famously less buttoned-down than that of Detroit or Wall Street. Suffusing that culture is the belief among programmers and engineers that they’re working on the Next Big Thing — projects that change the world, not just deliver a more absorbent diaper or crunchier breakfast cereal.
And although marketing departments will ultimately replace most of the colorful monikers with new versions of familiar, easy-to-sell brands, the importance of code names in the development of digital products is hard to overstate.
The financial stakes are huge. A new software program or chip design can take years to bring to market and devour millions — or even billions — in capital before it generates a dime of revenue. All the while, competitors are racing to build something smarter and faster that will make existing technology obsolete, giving rise to a state of chronic paranoia.
Faced with that sort of intrigue, few geeks turn down the chance to bestow a secretive pet name on a project before company executives weigh in with potential trademark violations and focus-group feedback.
“A product manager can be defined as someone who has all of the responsibility and none of the power. It’s a thankless job,” said former Apple Computer technology evangelist Guy Kawasaki, the author of several business books. “One thing the product manager can do is give the code name to the product. Typically, he comes up with a clever name in the middle of the night, and hopefully management doesn’t find out until it’s ingrained.”
In the early years at Apple, the right name helped fire up engineers faced with the tedious prospect of spending years writing millions of lines of computer code.
“You needed a cool name to put on a T-shirt, and you needed a T-shirt to give to people,” said former Apple engineer Erich Ringewald. “It was part of getting people excited enough to work 70 hours a week.”
Of course, once you find the name that gets people excited and conveys “next big thing,” it’s important to shit-can that name before releasing it to market. That way, you can spend more money on advertising for a generic name that nobody can remember. IBM’s new mainframe was code-named T- Rex until it was released this year with the name “z990“.
There must be another reason that companies routinely swap proven, inspirational code names for sleepy, untried names that have been neutered for public consumption. Could it be that old reliable whipping dog, trademark conflict? Not in the case of Janus or T-Rex: they both look clear over at the USPTO for their respective products. It must be those focused gropes that are killing them.
Wise Crack? Butt Plug? Smart Ass? All are relevant to the success of the product name, Butt Paste, which has proven to be an advertisement in and of itself. From Netscape News:
Retired Louisiana pharmacist George Boudreaux hasn’t needed Madison Avenue pitchmen to get the word out about his concoction to treat diaper rash. He just lets the name do it for him: Boudreaux’s Butt Paste. “Would you be talking to me if it was called George’s Diaper Cream?” Boudreaux recently asked a reporter.
Probably not. And a paste with any other name probably wouldn’t have gotten attention from Oprah Winfrey, who featured Butt Paste on her show; ESPN, which, in a tongue-in-cheek feature, suggested it was partially responsible for Louisiana State University’s jock-itch-less championship football season; and from Jay Leno, who displayed a newspaper ad for Butt Paste on the “Tonight Show” - and said that he didn’t want to know what it was used for.
It certainly wouldn’t have created waves in auto racing circles, as Butt Paste has managed to do with its logo - a grinning baby covered by a blanket - adorning the car of NASCAR driver Kim Crosby with the product’s full name across the rear bumper.
We’ll just let “rear bumper” go without comment. Read the full article for the complete back story behind this name.
