Igor’s latest naming work, “Constellation”, announced by Seagate

Via cnet:

Seagate claims that its all new family of hard drives offers the lowest power consumption and record-setting for any tier-two enterprise
applications.

The Constellation family, as it’s called, includes two models: the 2.5-inch Constellation and the 3.5-inch
Constellation ES. Both drives also include PowerChoice from Seagate, which decreases power
consumption by up to 54 percent, arguably the highest in the industry.

According to Seagate, the PowerChoice technology is designed to deliver the power-reduction savings
without sacri?cing performance and data integrity. In addition, the Constellation family features
enterprise-grade reliability and is rated at a full 1.2 million hours of mean time between failures.

Catwalk catbox of shame

And then there were three. Two of the worst names in woman’s wear, Gap’s deceased F.A.T., and the hilariously mis-named Sag Harbor, have a new boxmate, Miss Sixty.

The design themes of this clothing company are based on sensibilities from the nineteen sixties. However, “sixties” and “sixty” have very different meanings to their young female audience. What twenty something woman would flinch at the notion of being a “Miss Sixty”? Every single one of them.

Oxymoron of the Decade – “Voluntary Regulation”

Via today’s NY Times:

WASHINGTON — The chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, a longtime proponent of deregulation, acknowledged on Friday that failures in a voluntary supervision program for Wall Street’s largest investment banks had contributed to the global financial crisis, and he abruptly shut the program down…

…Christopher Cox, the commission chairman, said he agreed that the oversight program was “fundamentally flawed from the beginning.”

“The last six months have made it abundantly clear that voluntary regulation does not work,” he said in a statement. The program “was fundamentally flawed from the beginning, because investment banks could opt in or out of supervision voluntarily. The fact that investment bank holding companies could withdraw from this voluntary supervision at their discretion diminished the perceived mandate” of the program, and “weakened its effectiveness,” he added.

What the hell, let’s give him the “Moronic Statement of the Decade” award while we are at it, for, one more time:

“The last six months have made it abundantly clear that voluntary regulation does not work”.

The last six months??? How about the last fifty thousand years? Jackass.

Here’s an idea, you know that program whereby the I.R.S. may audit you? Let’s make that voluntary — you know, opt-in / opt-out, whatever works for you.

Or that annoying thingy where the cops pull you over for drunk driving? Same deal, you want out of that program? No sweat, we’ll give you a special decal for your windshield. You know, the “honor” system. Worth a try. Who knows, it could work.

“Who are these guys?” (thanks Paul, for everything)

Design Defect

Which is funnier? This parody (?) of a brand identity naming  firm like Landor / Interbrand designing a traffic “Stop” sign:

Or the case study from Landor’s own website, which details the naming and logo work they did for the merger of Fedex and Kinkos. The name Landor landed on, was of course Fedex Kinkos. The rationale:

Guided by brand strategy and research insights, Landor developed a creative name and identity solution that leverages the equity of both brands. The new brand identity, informed by the historical strengths of both companies, powerfully redefines the future of the business services marketplace.

But the funinest bit is when Landor explains the very specifc meanings they believe common colors communicate:

The identity contains a colorful brand icon that represents the collection of FedEx services available at the new retail locations – orange for the time-definite global express shipping services, green for the day-definite ground shipping services, and blue for the retail business service centers. At the heart of the icon, where the three colors converge, is purple, which symbolizes the can-do spirit shared by all FedEx companies.

Interestingly, design firms differ on what each color means.

Igor’s latest naming work, Whoop, launches.

Formally called “Xosphere”, they came to us for a re-name. From the Whoop site:

Whoop makes it easy for every company, agency or individual to create, publish and share rich mobile content to almost every mobile device. Not just text, but pictures, videos and, well, everything imaginable for mobile entertainment, marketing, communications, commerce and social networking. With Whoop, you can share your stuff with more than 3.5 billion phones in every country on the planet.

Whoop. Everything mobile.

Did we mention we named Whoop? O.K., we are done here.

Gogo launches, named by Igor, Mossberg reviews

Via The Wall Street Journal, July 19, 2008:

…On these Internet-equipped planes, any passenger with a Wi-Fi enabled laptop — or a cellphone with Wi-Fi — will be able to do almost everything he or she could do online at home or at the office. That includes surfing the Web, using email, having instant-messenger text chats, downloading and uploading files, and streaming video and audio.

In fact, I did all these things a few days ago on a test flight using the new system, called Gogo. During the flight from San Francisco to Denver, on a small test jet, I could operate online as if I were sitting at my desk, or in a Starbucks. I used Dell (DELL) and Apple (AAPL) laptops, a BlackBerry (RIMM), a Windows Mobile phone and an iPhone to perform all the most common online tasks, while soaring over majestic mountains and glorious national parks.

I sent and received emails on Microsoft (MSFT) Outlook and Apple Mail, including messages with hefty attachments. I conducted IM chats on AOL (TWX) Instant Messenger and Google (GOOG) Talk. Using all the major Web browsers, I called up dozens of Web sites, and watched video clips on Hulu and YouTube. I downloaded photos, songs, PDF files and Microsoft Office documents. I used all the Internet functions on the iPhone, and on the Wi-Fi-equipped BlackBerry and Windows Mobile phone…

…The companies say Gogo is safe and won’t interfere with the plane’s operation. It is government-approved, and pilots can shut the system off should they deem it necessary.

Gogo has some limitations. The service plans to allocate its capacity so that low-bandwidth activities like Web surfing and email take priority over high-bandwidth ones like streaming video. That means you may find video to be slow and halting.

And Gogo is a North American, land-based service only. It won’t work over the oceans and, for now, it won’t work on other continents.

But for U.S. travelers who want to stay connected in the air, Gogo does the job.

Full article.

Tastee Freez

Trying to beat the summer heat, but can’t bring yourself to choke down another cup of soft serve? Fear not, these intrepid entrepreneurs are at your rescue:

We don’t know whose brain bastard this ad campaign is, but with classic copy such as, “a neat and convenient way to store your poop for the trip home”, our best guess would be Ogilvy. Nigel?

Unattended poop” indeed.

Out of Africa, sort of.

Our erstwhile competitors, the strategically named name developers Strategic Name Development, have taken rationalization and hooha to Landorian heights. Either that or they actually believe that invented, compound contractions based tangentially in the Zulu language actually communicate ideas to the rest of the world. Strategic name development?:

Via a strategically reasoned press release:

MINNEAPOLIS–(BUSINESS WIRE)–Zikula™, an open source software, was named by Strategic Name Development, a global brand naming consultancy that develops brand names, product names, company names, logos, and conducts global brand name research.

The Zikula brand name was created from several Zulu words, one of the official languages of South Africa, where “Zila ukudla” means fast and “Lula” means easy, which are the main attributes of the software.

The other top-of lexicon-official-lanuages of South Africa are: Afrikaans (Afrikaans), English, Ndebele (isiNdebele), Northern Sotho (Sesotho sa Leboa), Sotho (Sesotho), Swati (siSwati), Tsonga (Xitsonga), Tswana (Setswana), Venda (Tshiven?a), and Xhosa (isiXhosa). Can’t wait to see what Strategic Name Development does with those.

Experience the real Africa at the Zikula website.

The blonde leading the blonde

Those fun-loving Aryans at Volkswagen are at it again. Producers of the horrendously named “Touareg” SUV, they remain true to form by naming their new “compact, more fuel efficient SUV”, wait for it… “Tiguan“. A truly phlegmatic choice, from both a personality and linguistic stance.

The Touareg has the distinction of being “The number one most polluting vehicle of 2008“. The Tiguan is being marketed as a “Greener SUV”. The obvious third problem is that the names are so similar, that the Touareg name betrays the Tiguan’s positioning.

How was the name “Tiguan” chosen? Why, by a focus group consisting of a mere 350,00 mortals. But the other name choices were worse. Funny thing is, the other names were so bad, it is obvious to us that VW stacked the deck, subverted democracy, and got the name they wanted all along. Be careful what you wish for.

According to Wikipedia:

As part of a marketing strategy by Volkswagen the name was chosen by the public through the Auto Bild group with over 350,000 voters through Auto Bild’s magazines and Web sites. The other possible names were Namib, Rockton, Samun and Nanuk. Tiguan is a combination of the German words Tiger (“tiger”) and Leguan (“iguana”).

We often fantasize about cats and reptiles mating here at Igor, we just never pictured the 17-inch chrome wheels.

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Igor’s latest naming work: “Showcase” for Seagate

Via Gizmodo:

THE CABLE SHOW ’08, New Orleans — May 19, 2008 — At NCTA’s Cable Show, Seagate Technology (NYSE:STX) announced it will introduce its Seagate® Showcase™ storage solution, a new series of products that extends the storage capacity of your Digital Video Recorder (DVR), so you never have to say goodbye to your favorite movies and television shows. Seagate also announced that the Showcase family of products will be designed to be compatible with Motorola’s market leading e-SATA capable high-definition (HD) digital video recorder (DVR) set-top portfolio.

The new Showcase™ products will provide television and movie fans with the ability to store even more shows, movies and sporting events. With initial capacities up to 1TB, consumers will be able to keep up to 200 hours of additional HD movies or 1,000 hours of additional standard definition television. You’ll never have to choose between your kids’ favorite shows or the big game. Plug-and-play capability, via standard USB 2.0 or eSATA connection, makes setup easy while the stylish design fits seamlessly into entertainment centers and complements the look of existing A/V equipment.

Full article

Igor’s latest naming work is a Gogo

Via today’s New York Times:

The Web’s last unconquered frontier – the airplane – is about to be invaded yet again.

This spring, Aircell, a 16-year-old company that sells air to ground telecommunications equipment to airlines, will launch a broadband wireless service for twitchy airplane passengers who need their Internet fix at 40,000 feet.

Two years ago, Aircell, based in Itasca, Ill., and Louisville, Colo., paid $31 million to the federal government for a batch of air-to-ground spectrum that was originally used for in-flight seat-back phones –- an expensive service that passengers largely ignored.

Aircell has since built 92 EVDO cell sites across the United States and pointed them at the sky, where they will bring 3.1-megabit-per-second Internet access to airplanes traveling thousands of feet above the ground at hundreds of miles per hour. The company’s on-board technology will magnify that signal and split it into separate Wi-Fi streams, offering speeds equivalent to a home D.S.L. connection to any passenger who wants to log on with his or her wireless device.

Aircell will start the service, called GoGo, with American Airlines this spring and then expand it with Virgin America over the summer.

If GoGo gets off the ground, it will fulfill the long-held promise of bringing Internet access to airplane passengers. Boeing tried it, somewhat disastrously, earlier this decade with its Connexion in-flight satellite service. Boeing signed up carriers such as Lufthansa, Japan Airlines and Singapore Airlines but the effort was eventually undone by belt-tightening after 9/11. The aircraft maker had to write off $320 million on what was widely reported to be a $1 billion investment.

Jack Blumenstein, Aircell’s chief executive, said GoGo is different in several ways. Airplanes can be retrofitted with the technology overnight, and the in-flight servers and antennas weigh less than 50 pounds, considerably less than Boeing’s bulky satellite receivers. Broadband wireless technology is now faster overall as well, while the array of Wi-Fi equipped consumer devices — from iPhones to laptops — has blossomed.

GoGo’s pricing plans will vary, but access during a cross-country flight should cost around $13. GoGo will also serve up-on-demand television and films from on-board, TiVo-like servers.

Mr. Blumenstein expects other airlines to come on board quickly. “Passengers want freedom and the ability to get back in control of their life and be productive,” he said. “All the data suggests passengers will change planes if one airline offers it and another doesn’t. The airlines will fight to the death over a 1 percent market share shift,” he said.

Readers, please discuss. This is clearly inevitable. Is anyone bothered that the last environment for unwired thinking and old-media-reading is about to be tethered to the grid? I’m ambivalent. Of course, I’ll also be among the first to log on.

Did we mention Gogo was named by Igor? Right, that’s what is most important here.

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